Afternoon Reflections

So in the past few days I have come to the realization that I have not been acting as confident as I feel lately. Strangely, I have been much happier and, er, 'in tune' with the essentials which generally keep me grounded, but I feel like I have not been living up to my potential recently. There are lots of excuses for this... and it is summer, which is traditionally a time I spend playing Sims 2 and sleeping at least 50% of the time... but regardless I am getting restless and feeling that I need to start doing things. Not things like, "Start your life, son, go forth and be productive and add to your 401K and get a good wife (well, you know)", but rather build my own list of personal accomplishments, for personal reasons.

For instance, there is a long list of things I've wanted to do for a long time, like learn the guitar, that I just have never completed. This is bothering. Sure, there are lots of things I do that I do complete, and generally there are so many things I would like to do that I think it would be physically impossible to do all of them in a lifetime, but I just feel like I am slacking off and not living to my potential. Fortunately, I recently quit my job and am overall very pleased with my situation and poised to develop any old or new interests with a fantastic liberty of ease and excellent state of mind.

OK, actually, this is might be the biggest thing: I have not been dressing how I like. Yes, yes, I know. I do not dress for other people, though, so it is not as if I'm feeling off-trend or anything. I just am in one of those down patches where I am floating around in a pool of crap style without the pointed inspiration that cycles back from time to time and utterly refreshes my creativity and sense of self. 2006, I might add, was a great year for this. It usually stems from a fusion of good music, good photos, and good literature. I just passed the Raconteurs/Anthropologie thing... which of course I still love, but I need a new direction to keep the energy up.

I just got my hair cut and I like it, but many people don't (haha not that I care), but on a personal note I have the only critique that I do not look as, er, sophisticated in the same way. Or perhaps it is better to say I look younger? At any rate, I have a lot of excitement about it, I just haven't figured out how to embrace it yet because it's so foreign right now. Which is, naturally, why it's so exciting. I think when I go to England this Fall I will find a new direction, fraught with vintage clothing hopefully and luuuurvly British-ness, which I have tended to fall back on anyway for years now.

Also, the space I am living in I am having trouble adapting to really fit my mood. As it is merely a room and it is a very fleeting stay, I am not too concerned. Fortunately, I predict when I have my own place after England that it will be a creative haven of all my favourite things. I.e. lots of antiques, quirky art, vintage, and products from the Urban Outfitters Corporation.

This is getting much longer than I had anticipated, but let me just leave off with saying a few parting statements. 1. Summer is a beautiful free time if you are lucky enough to be able to quit your job, love your classes, and have a car. 2. Naps are God's gift to humanity. 3. I predict very soon I will randomly take off (probably by myself, as that's half the fun) on a random adventure and it will (probably) be small, but also spontaneous and utterly fulfilling. Like my breakfast trip to Solvang to buy a cookie the other day. It was brilliant. 4. I know the things that make me happy and I'm going to do something about them. Carpe diem are words I have tried to live by for a long time now and I intend to stay true to them, as I have failed them in a few ways lately. ish. And finally 4. In addition to rosemary, England, Led Zeppelin, Celtic music, the cello, Wes Anderson, the ocean, fog, and Cambria I would like to add one more utmost favourite and essential thing to my list of these things: the oft-mentioned Jasmine Downey Pearls (iced).